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Cordy's Memories
Scifantisy Ron Snyder
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Aug. 7th, 2006 @ 12:05 am Relax
Cordy walked away from Adira and Angel to the study of the Great Hall. She plopped down onto the couch without a care, and swung her feet up onto the cushions, crossing them at the ankles. She felt so tired. Cordy let her head fall back against the pillow with a long sigh. She stretched her arms out straight, and yawned. She placed her hands down onto her stomach with her fingers spread out over her rounded belly. A small purr escaped her lips as a comfortableness floated down upon her. It was the first time in weeks she was able to just relax. From half open eyes, she looked down at her body and noticed how large her breasts have grown since she'd been pregnant. Holy cow! No wonder Ron has been so preoccupied with them at night. Cordy giggled to herself, and closed her eyes again.

My thoughts went swarming around in her mind. The last couple of weeks have been difficult. The baby had been reeking havoc on her energy. She felt like she'd been running on empty, with having to run the Demon Bean all by herself while Seven was dealing with Nechayev, Sahjhan out rounding up an Army to fight Doshiva, and Ron vampire hunting. A lot of her time anymore was spent alone. A small part of her almost regretted letting Ron go back out hunting again, especially with so much happening with the news of the "Prodigy" child.

Her mind wandered to Angel. Why was he back? Did he come back on his own? Not that she was upset he came back at all. She was actually quite glad, since she hadn't a chance to talk to him before he ran away. She was slightly hurt by the fact he hadn't come to her before he left. He was her friend after all, and she had been through a lot with him.
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Jul. 31st, 2006 @ 11:06 pm Vision Quest
Cordy got up from the floor in her apartment, and brushed herself off. Man, it had been a while since she had a vision which knocked her on her ass. That is, she hadn't had painful visions again until Doshiva entered the picture. This vision was different, it didn't have a damsel in distress, an evil demon peeing in public, or a dumb vampire trying to bait and switch. She couldn't believe out of everything in the universe that her vision was about them. She had her fill of it the last time she visited. Because, frankly, it's not candyland, and after the last visit... Well, they are certainly not her favorite people right now. Cordy groaned as she made her way to the door. She chanted a few sentences in Latin, and the mystical door opened.
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Jul. 17th, 2006 @ 09:10 pm The Demon Bean [L- Cordy, Ron, Vampires, Patrons, Earl, Seven]
It's probably not a good idea for Cordy to be working the coffee shop as much anymore. She was always on her feet, and the smell of coffee was beginning to make her stomach turn. But, the place wasn't going to run itself. She normally loved coffee and couldn't get enough of it. Hell, it's why she started the coffee shop in the first place. Yet, one could guess too much of a good thing was truly bad. Of course the doctor told her to cut down on anything with caffeine because it's not good for the growing li’l one. She didn't know if Doctor Franklin gave her something, but now the smell..ugh.. The smell. That also meant she wasn't able to eat the Ho hos, Ding Dongs, and bon bons she'd been chewing on like piglet. Those did become her favorite pretty quickly. She could remember when she was pregnant with the Goddess/Demon Jasmine and had massive cravings. The funny thing is this time, this pregnancy, was different (yeah, no evil behavior or riots of mass destruction). She felt so much better, and had a certain glow about her.

Cordy was behind the counter drying dishes, canisters, and coffee cups before putting them back on the shelves. Ron was behind her wiping down the counters and tables. Every now and then he'd turn around and smile at her. She would catch a glimpse of him starring at her in the mirroring along the shelves.

The bell of the door jingled as a group of customers came in. Cordy looked over her shoulder to the door and noticed the heavy brows and fangs.
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Jun. 17th, 2006 @ 10:52 pm Waiting sucks... Nemesis Part V
*Cordy sat in a chair pulled next to the hospital bed, her head was rested on their clasped hands. Cordy's eyes were unwavering from Ron's pale face. Her hazel eyes, red-rimmed from lack of sleep, worry, and crying, had lost their sparkle. She quietly whispered to Ron.*

I’ve been running on almost 48 hours plus with no sleep. I've been worried sick. They made me leave the room several times because you crashed and flat-lined. You've lost a massive amount of blood, but the doctors have done everything they can to stop the bleeding. You were in emergency surgery for what seemed like forever. I was so relieved when we got you to Starfleet. If we had used any medicine from our time period, you would've died. You're right about this futuristic medicine, baby. I'd hate to have to call Willow back for another revival. When I was allowed into the room, I was afraid to touch you for the longest time. I wanted to reach out to you, but you were in pain. You were unconscious for over 24 hours, but I've talked to you the entire time; even when I got sleepy, I'd whisper quietly. I remember lots of people coming in and out of the room, but it's all a blur to me. I've been focused on only your recovery. Now, you've finally come too, but you've haven't said anything. Seems like you're off in the distance, or in shock. You kept your promise to me. You didn't leave me. Honey, I'm so pissed about what happened. What the hell is the point of having the visions, and being able to save people if they don't freaking work? Why didn't the Powers that Be send me a vision of this happening to you?!? The powers that screw you are able to send me visions of when the next demon’s scheduled to take a shit, but not my future husband getting shot?! Baby, I've gotta’ do something.

*She became even more angry. Her eyes began turning white as her demon side flared. She got up from the chair and kissed Ron on the lips softly.*

I love you Ron. I'll be back soon, I've got a bone to pick with the PTB.

*Cordy rushed from the room in a big hurry*
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powers that screw you
Jun. 4th, 2006 @ 09:04 pm Home Sweet Home
Cordy and Ron made it home after the hell they went through earlier that night. Cordy couldn't get the sense of dread out of her system. She kept thinking about the poor guy being burned alive and turning into a demon of chaos. It was too eerily close to Winifred. She figured they both survived a huge traumatic shock knowing another demonic God/Illyria 2 has been brought forth on the Earth. No one had any idea of the pending doom or destruction this thing was about to or could cause. No one had any clue about this creature, it's creator, or its' history. That itself made Cordy shudder with the thought: She was involved with another monster being released to reek havoc on the world. It made Cordy start reevaluating what was most important to her and her relationships. On the car ride home she was pretty quiet. Then again so was Ron.

By the time they made it home Dennis had already bandages sitting out and a beer for Ron.
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Jun. 1st, 2006 @ 10:21 pm As Cordy's World Turns
Tonight was a wonderful night. Ron and I finally got the break from the coffeeshop and demon hunting we so richly deserved. He's not a man of much money, but he's been saving his pennies since being employed at the coffeeshop, and he took me out to a nice italian dinner. It wasn't anything outstanding fancy, yet it was a quaint restaurant on the edge of town. He even brought his own candles for the table. He planned it all out. They had a small dance floor towards the back of the place where he had the restaurant owner's daughter sing to us in Italian as we danced. He's so adorable, and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him as a constant source of enjoyment in my life. Tonight as we get ready for bed, I want to make it special for him. I've got a new cute red number I'll change into before bed. I want to make sweet passionate love until the sun rises. I want him to know how important he is to me, because you know.. I loves me some Ron. *Laughs* Let's just hope by the time we get into bed I don't fall asleep. I mean hell I did stuff myself with lots of pasta and breadsticks that I feel like a cow.

*Slips off into the bathroom to change and comes back out wearing the new camisole. She positions herself leaning against the bathroom
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May. 5th, 2006 @ 08:17 pm Unwanted backlash
*Laying in the hospital bed tossing and turning, feeling her eyes clinch shut as she is being thrown back into the nightmare*

Cordy walked down Rodeo Drive; strutting down the boulevard to the next expensive store for the next “bargain buy”. The bright sun shined down on her dark hair making it glow with an incredible radiance. She walked along carefree in her Gucci sunglasses happy that she had no demon problems, no brooding vampires; in fact, the only thing she had to worry about was which credit card to charge the Christian Dior dress to.
“Awww man, I maxed out my MasterCard at Neiman Marcus again. Ron is going to kill me!” She thought as she shoved her wallet back into her Prada purse. “Oh well, I’m making the money and paying the bills. He can suck it up a bit.”

She opened the door to Saks and walked in as only Queen Cordy would. She hadn’t been this happy since before her daddy tried to screw the IRS.

Suddenly, she looked around and noticed she wasn’t in Saks at all. The nice clean smell of the marble floors had diminished to the putrid smell of garbage and human waste. The bright lights of the store were gone and instead morphed into the stars of Los Angeles. Cordy was lost in a dark alley with only her good looks and her shopping bags.

“What the hell is going on here? When did Saks turn into homeless central?” She said.

She took another step and her foot plunged into a puddle of murky water. The rancid smell penetrated her nostrils.

"Ick!" She gagged. “Dorothy it doesn’t look like we’re in Kansas anymore,” she mumbled.

She took a deep breath and continued walking down the alleyway looking for a way out. After continuing another twenty feet she stopped. The alley seemed to keep going on forever. Cordy wrapped her coat around her more tightly and trudged on looking for the corner, a backdoor, something.

She started singing to herself, “You’re a real tough cookie with a long history, breaking little hearts like the one in me” then stopped because she can’t remember the words, but continues by making up her own, “doowah diddy diddy dum diddy doo, I look good, I look fine, Angel nearly lost his mind. Staking the vampires, turning to dust at my feet, singing doowah diddy diddy dum diddy do. Does this alley ever lead me anywhere? Doowah diddy.. shit… where the hell am I?”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a strange figure up ahead leaning against the alley wall. The dark shadow moved along the length of the alley towards her. The figure continued creeping up with echoing footsteps. Cordy squinted and tried to make out anything she could in the light of the moon. Then, the shadow was gone. Looking over to her left she saw a door about to fall off its hinges. The door looked strikingly familiar. She moved closer. The door had years of dirt and wear on it. She sat down one of her bags onto the ground at her feet and with outstretched fingers touched the door running her fingers along disheveled letters. Dirt began to clear. She could make out “The Demon Bean.” She pulled at the door with all her strength barely budging it open, but enough to squeeze through.

Cordy proceeded slowly through the back hall, she passed the back count out room. Everything was covered in dust and she could smell a faintness of coffee mixed with must of just being old. She paused at the entrance to the main shop. The moonlight from outside shown faintly through a boarded up front window. A broken broom lay on the floor next to the broken and busted countertop. It looked as if the place had been vandalized. Tables were broken in half and had dark spots on the floor. She stopped cold in her tracks remembering that night. The images flashed before her eyes, reliving the pain, the stake, and the fear. She gasped as the remaining bags dropped from her hand as she reached to her mouth to muffle a scream.

“What happened to my coffee shop? Why wasn’t it ever fixed?” she questioned aloud.

“Because you’re dead. I killed you!” Angelus sneered at her as her eyes bulged out of her head.

He swiftly reached out and grabbed her throat, restricting her windpipe. He was a lot stronger than she ever remembered and she couldn’t possibly fight back. She was lifted up high off the floor and she clutched Angelus’ fingers trying desperately to pry them off. He had a death grip on her. Her vision started growing hazy with stars. She attempted to hit Angelus’ arms, but when it came to the blow was only a tap. The same became of her failures of kicking him. Cordy felt as helpless as a newborn baby.

“Ple---ase don’t,” was all she could muster.

He pulled her down to his level. With his free hand he reached over and ripped the shirt from her left shoulder exposing her scar. He sunk his teeth deep into the old wound. With a grimace of bloody fangs he pulled her back to look her in the eye.

“Does begging ever really work?” he beamed, “I mean, seriously?”

Angelus pulled her close to him. He could see and smell her growing fear. He leaned in to whisper, “If I let go, will you scream for me?”

His fangs dug down into her flesh, emptying her body of her life force. His hand released her throat. With the last ounce of strength she had Cordy whispered, “Angel, tell Ron I love him.”

Angelus stopped and lifted his head, “What a huge disappointment!”

He dropped her limp body to the floor. Cordy’s eyes slowly closed as embraced the darkness.

With her eyes still closed, heavy breathing followed. Cordy’s hands gripped warm flesh. Her fingers moved along the curve of a muscular back as her legs clung around the waist of her lover. She could smell Ron’s skin. Her hand slid slowly up his moist back and over his smooth baldhead. He penetrated her with long strokes and their bodies moved as one. Her back arched pushing her heaving breasts against him. He cupped one in his hand and caressed it tenderly. In one swift movement he lifted her body off the bed and rolled Cordy on top of him not missing a thrust.

Cordy’s passionate moans filled the evening air, “Oh Ron.”

She wrapped herself around him fully hugging him close to her as she climaxed. She pulled her head back so her lips could meet Ron’s. They shared a gentle but electric kiss. Cordy leaned back still straddling him, finally opening her eyes.

“I love you Ron,” she whispered. His head lifted up from the pillow out of the shadows and into the moonlight leaking through the blinds. [insert vampire picture here]

Cordy’s scream echoed through the apartment. “NO!!!!!!!! Get away from me!! Don’t!!!!!”

Ron smirked and before his sunk his teeth into her exposed throat, “What? Angelus gets to have all the fun?”

*Cordy feels a hand on her good shoulder shaking her*
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Apr. 29th, 2006 @ 09:15 pm Fatal Revelations 4
*Working hard to finish cleaning after close*

I can't possibly thank Phoebe enough for helping out around the coffee shop. She has really come through for me the last couple days. I know how hard it is for her too considering she has a life back in San Francisco.

*Sighs and throws the rag down on the countertop*


*Sits down next to Phoebe at the counter*
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Apr. 8th, 2006 @ 09:48 pm (no subject)
*Cordy sitting across the table from Lex & Phoebe; thinking to herself*

Tonight’s supposed to be a fun evening. Supposedly Ron has a huge surprise for me. It’s strange to be at Caritas again, though it’s not actually Caritas; it’s Le Deuxième Caritas. I suppose there comes a time when everyone must rebuild and move on, including Lorne. Well, tonight is “date night”, wahoooie! Ron thought it'd be fun to invite Miss Phoebe along and her beau Lex Luthor.
I’ve gotten pretty bored of Lex’s dribble about money, and Miss Phoebe’s innocent-act. I’ve almost zoned out here. Ron wants me to be nice and cordial tonight, so I’ve been giving the obligatory nod of the head when I felt it was appropriate. If only I could figure out where the Hell Ron went to, I’d be a happy champion. I can’t believe he left me sitting here looking this HOT in my new dress.

*Notices Ron at the Karaoke booth*

Oh no… He’s not gonna sing is he?!
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Mar. 29th, 2006 @ 07:54 pm I must confess...
I've been hiding something from Ron for a couple of weeks now:

His personal living habits are annoying me. There are times I want to strangle him.


He ALWAYS leaves the toilet seat up.
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oh hell..
Mar. 13th, 2006 @ 08:29 pm Pride
I’ve got several things that I can be proud of. I’m proud of my coffee shop, my wonderful boyfriend/domestic partner. My life has been full. If someone has too much pride though, they can become negative, arrogant, or egotistical. Too much pride can get someone into trouble. I am certainly proud of Ron for going out on his first demon and vampire hunt. I only can hope his pride doesn’t get him hurt. I’m sure his pride would be bruised if he found out I sent Sahjhan after him to make sure he doesn’t get killed. If you look at it that way, maybe I need to kick in my pride for thinking I’m better and indestructible myself. I could just as easily be hurt in a vampire or demon hunt. Our new subject shouldn’t have been pride; it should be guilt. I feel guilty for many things that I’ve pushed Ron into recently. He’s been very supportive. He has given up his life as he knew it for me, because I’m proud and couldn’t leave my own world behind like he did.

Damn it, it’s after 3:00am, where the hell is Ron? Where is Sahjhan? I thought they would’ve been back by now.
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Mar. 5th, 2006 @ 12:14 am (no subject)
*Comes home and dumps her body into the couch; kicking off her shoes*

I’m exhausted. I finished a ten-hour day trying to finish fixing up the coffee shop, and I also had a vision, with no one around to help me. Sahjhan was off hunting the reason behind one of my other visions, and I was left to tend to the second one alone.


I’m alone right now. Ron’s gone. I don’t know if he’s ever coming back. Our conversation the other night has been weighing heavily on my mind. I got upset and left, knowing he’d be going himself in a few hours. I didn’t kiss him goodbye, I didn’t hug him, and I didn’t even look him in the eye. I knew if I had, I would’ve crumbled. I walked out. It was probably the last time I’ll ever see him. I’m actually pissed he let me leave, and I’m pissed I made him choose. I’ve got a bad feeling in the pit of my gut his choice wasn’t me.

He would’ve been back by now. Ron could’ve gone with me on the 2nd kill. Nah, he shouldn’t have, he probably would have used his phaser. I was a little rusty with my moves. Glad he wasn’t around to see me get sucker punched by that bitch vampire, he’d have a heart attack and told me to quit. I handled my own though, I staked four vamps, and left one running for his life. The Queen’s still got it.
*Blows on her nails arrogantly then sighs*

Time for bed… alone.

*Gets up and walks towards the bedroom*
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Feb. 27th, 2006 @ 09:09 pm [LOCKED FOR HOLOGRAPHIC DOCTOR]
I’m tempted to fly off the handle. I’m tempted to go up to the spaceship my lover calls a job and tell them to stick it. I can’t believe their bandaging job, and what they might consider clean. Even with new medicine in his generation, there’s no excuse for his condition when he appeared at my door. I can only imagine what else Ron has been put through. Do I really want to know? No, because I’m afraid I’d be sicker with other “treatments” he’s had. I would think his starship would take better care of their security and soldiers. One person can only be stitched and patched back together so many times before there’s nothing left. What next? Would they’ve given him a prosthetic arm or leg? Why must a culture equipped with phasers, starships, teleports and everything else not send out a machine to fight their battles? Why haven’t they invented an enhanced robot of sorts, a programmed enemy killer (thinks of Kroton and pauses). I’m not versed in how Starfleet might runs things, but I refuse to let my future husband be brought back in pieces.

I’m probably being selfish with the bitching. He’s doing what he has to for survival. It’s what he was chosen to do. I’ve got my own battle to fight myself. Who am I to say anything about his battles fought? I fought beside Angel, I’ve died and I’ve been brought back to life. Who am I to criticize his wounds? On the other side of the coin, if he’s here in my dimension I can watch after him, have visions if he’s in trouble. There are others that would help protect him. I’ve got to do what I think is right for our future together. Selfish or not, I’ve got to know what’s happened to him in the past. It may assist me in proving my point that he’s better off here with me.

DOC?!?! *Calls out for the holographic doctor*
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you're serious..
Feb. 20th, 2006 @ 10:53 pm Change
Hell, now that’s a big word. So many things have changed in the last year; I’ve got no idea where to start. Besides the fact I was brought back to life, Angel left, I bought my own coffee shop, started my own business, and I have a wonderful boyfriend.
I’m not sure where to begin. I should probably start with my business venture. As most people know, I’ve started my own coffee shop. I’ve been extremely busy with renovations. Getting the place up to code and to my picky liking is a huge task within itself. I’ve come up with a name and its fitting. I’m calling it The Demon Bean. I’ve made the decision it’ll be open until 2am. The finishing touches are almost completed, and I hope to have my grand opening soon. Without further ado, I present the Demon Bean.

If any of you don’t recognize Los Angeles, it’s in this building on the corner of Lendon and Main.

I’ll be sending out a correspondence to everyone on the opening. I can’t wait: I’m so very very excited! I’ve got to go shopping for my opening-night outfit. I think Jimmy Chou or Versace would pull it together the best.
I want to also mention that I’ve developed a relationship with someone who has made several sacrifices and changes as well. I can’t begin to explain the extent of my elation regarding Sahjhan. He’s at my beck and call whenever I’ve had a vision, and is ready to run when someone is in need. I’m amazed at his transformation. I’ve gotta' admit from the beginning I was annoyed with his presence. We didn’t have the greatest of relationships because of our past, but I can safely say we’ve buried a hatchet. I know I won’t be able to forget the things he’s done to my friends in the past, but there is definitely forgiveness and redemption. He’s paving his way into my heart as a friend on a daily basis.
For the big clincher, I’m so incredibly nervous over this possible next change. I’m scared out of my wits and it’s one of the biggest changes I can see myself making at this point in my life. Most would say it’s not big, but for me it is. People have to realize the only man I’ve had in my life for the past three years is a phantom ghost named Dennis. Giving my heart to someone is a big step for me, but I’ve got something in mind, which is even larger. I only hope I’m not left holding the key. I’m sure I’ll soon find out. Until then, I have got to talk to Ron.

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Feb. 15th, 2006 @ 11:04 pm Trust
Ha! I’m beginning to think the entire male species isn’t capable of trusting a woman’s ability to take care of herself! Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m fragile, weepy, or prissy. I can handle my own when I have to. I’ve kicked plenty of demon asses in my day. I’m completely unnerved. Why? I was out on my Valentine’s Day dinner date with Ron when I had a vision of a dark alley, and a young twiggy girl was getting attacked by a vampire (you’d think by now people would stay away from dark allies but NO!) Anyway, Ron wanted to come along to help (which I didn’t mind in the least) and see if he could back me up. We get there, and the vamp was about to sink his teeth into the girl’s neck; I pulled the stake from my purse and prepared to do some kung fu hustle on his ass, when Ron, MR. MAN, pulled out his phaser and dropped the guy. All I could do was stand there, with my mouth open, while he turns to me and tells me to “have at it”! I’ve slayed plenty of vampires in my day; I can handle a puny fanged-mouth idiot with bad hair! If I wanted an overly dominant sexist boyfriend I would’ve stuck around for Angel. Ugh, I’m so livid. All I can say is TRUST me. If I needed you I would’ve asked for it by screaming.
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Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 08:40 pm Valentine's Day
I walked in my apartment tonight to the wonderful smell of flowers. I looked on my coffee table and found two dozen long stem pink roses. I about fainted! Next to the vase of flowers was a wrapped box with a gold bow. I sat on the couch to open the gift. Like a kid in a candy store I ripped open the package. To my surprise there was a pair of Manolo Blahnik Rhinestone Stilettos!!! Oh my god, I am so in love with them! How he could know I wanted these or how he could afford them is beyond me. I love him.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
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Feb. 11th, 2006 @ 09:24 am responsibility
I think my eyes were too big for my stomach, so to speak. No, not really, but I’m going to be taking on a large responsibility. I signed a business loan, so I could open a coffee shop. I had a vision about a week before, and the incident happened near a closed coffee shop. It already had a lot of the amenities needed; all it needs is some spit, polish, a coat of paint, and new furniture. Okay, so it needs work. I’m the shopping diva. I’ll make it the most happening hot spots in Los Angeles. Just you watch. TLC Trading Spaces doesn’t have shit on me. I feel I’ve got a head for business, and a taste for what’s hot.
I hope it doesn’t sink like the Titanic, but all I need is a little faith.

I’ve taken the responsibility on myself as sole owner and proprietor. I have a feeling I bit off more than I can chew, but I’m not a failure. I’ll have the responsibility of running a business, managing money, supervising employees, and fighting demons, all while trying to carry on a personal love life. It’s not going to be easy, but lucky for me I’ve got wonderful friends and allies to help assist me. Sahjhan’s agreed to do a lot of my demon fighting, while Spike does backup. I’ll be doing a lot of the bookwork, since there won’t ever be another Wesley.

I’m doing it for more than one reason. I needed something to do with my visions, and having a coffee shop open until late, (mostly when the demons are out lurking) I can keep my ear to the ground. Plus, I can keep myself from going stir crazy.
I’ve been lonely up until recently, but I have the urge to continue with what Angel started. I feel I owe it to Angel, as well as my neighbors.
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Feb. 2nd, 2006 @ 06:44 pm Certain consequences
Things have been slightly out of whack since moving back into my apartment. Dennis is so happy; he can't stop turning the TV or radio on and off. Can you say Phantom Dennis is an excited boy? He helped me unpack a few boxes, too. I’m still not quite over the fact the Hyperion was torn down. The Hyperion was my sanctuary despite the constant attacks we suffered while there. Wow; I never thought I would hear myself say I missed Los Angeles! There! I finally said it.

Home sweet home.

I might be able to enjoy this more, had I not just had another vision.

Ok, I've got to remember what I saw. A small coffee shop off of Lendon and Main St. It's closed down, and has a for-sale sign in the front window. I saw a young guy getting attacked by a hairy-ish demon with a horn growing from each side of its head. It had nasty yellow fangs with green slime dripping off them.

You know, I don't like the new system now that Angel is gone. Spike is never around when I need him and the fact I have to call his cell phone to tell him I had vision is absolutely stupid. Angel was always there when I needed him! This lack of communication is for the birds. Spike barely made it in time to help with the last vision I had. I thought I was going to have to finish the demon off by myself. If we can't continue to save lives and fight off evil, our actions are futile. I couldn't bare the consequences if I failed to stop what might come to pass. Wait. I am baring the consequences already; Angel's gone now! I'm stuck with a sarcastic, bleach-blonde, and egotistical vampire with roughly the same taste in clothing as Angel, but not even half the sense of responsibility. I’m the female here; I thought I was the only one allowed to be fashionably late! So what if he's a champion? I have a job to do too. He's a part of this team with me, and timing is imperative! If we don't help someone, or we're late, then the possible consequences could be horrible. I've had enough death in my life. I’m not having it on my watch.

Oh crap, my computer connection isn't hooked up to check demonRus.com, guess I'll have to revert to Wesley's way: Book research.

*Rings Spike's cell phone*
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Jan. 19th, 2006 @ 07:48 pm (no subject)

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Jan. 15th, 2006 @ 12:02 am My discovery of Doyle’s hidden demon, and the gift he left behind.
Current Mood: sadsad
*I'm sitting down to watch TV. I turn on the VCR to watch whatever is hiding in it. A familiar Irish accent fills the room.
“If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the BEST. Our rats are low.. (Off in the distance “Rates!”) But it says rats. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope, you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here - someone that will go all the way, no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.” I turn off the VCR, and the TV screen changes into numbing static. A feeling of warmth washes over me, and a saddened smile crosses my face as I remember the day we taped that promo.
"Doyle..." I whisper and wipe at the tear running down my cheek.

My discovery of Doyle’s hidden demon, and the gift he left behind.

I thought Doyle was your average run-of-the-mill sweet guy who drank too much. I had no idea he was hiding a little secret. I remember telling him once that his taste in clothing was a Greek tragedy. I also told Angel once that he reminded me of Xander Harris (my ex from Sunnydale) in a nerdy sort of way.

My discovery came about on the night we had another unpaid gig (that’s what they all seemed to be at that point). We were helping a group of Listers (half-human/half-demon hybrids, and a very homely bunch). An army of pureblood Nazi demons was tracking them. The Scourge took pride in massacring “half breeds”. I guess they thought Los Angeles was the best place for their plans to create a pure race. From the time Doyle had the vision of those people in danger, until the time they were on a ship ready to be sent to safety, he was extremely supportive and ready to help them. This was (in a way) out of character for Doyle. We were sidekicks; Angel always handled the slaying and the dirty work. Not this time. He even befriended one of the half-demon kids, and brought him back to his family during the crisis.

As I was helping organize the Listers’ trip out of the country, the head of the group came to me and thanked us for our kindness and our compassion. He mentioned how much he appreciated Doyle, because he understood the suffering his people were going through. This struck me as odd, because we all understood. He then said Doyle could understand easier because he was half-Bracken demon. I was in complete shock! Doyle was half-demon and he’d never said anything.

Poor guy was so intimidated by me, not only could he not ask me out, but he couldn’t even say he was a Bracken. He was afraid I’d reject him. Like it would’ve mattered? Like, I’m superficial or something? I have been around plenty of demons from Sunnydale, and hello, newsflash! I worked for a vampire for crying out loud! Anyway, I confronted him about it, told him to own up to it, and suggested he ask me out already. Angel (and his timing) interrupted things, unfortunately. I should have known we’d never get the chance.

We lost Doyle in the battle that night. He went and made himself a hero, and a martyr for Angel and I. Doyle grabbed me, and gave me a long, passionate, and knee-weakening kiss…
“Too bad we’ll never know...” His demon face swiftly replaced the one I had gotten used to. I remember his look of amusement at my reaction to it. “If this is a face you could ever learn to love”. Then he jumped. The jump took him high over the Listers, and onto the huge reactor set to kill all of us. He died deactivating it, and sacrificed himself to save his friends and the city.

All I could do was stand there, helpless and terrified. I reached out for him, as if I could pull him back to me, and touched nothing. My heart was in my throat. I found myself choking on my tears and whimpers. I watched as the reactor disintegrated his body and swallowed his screams. I have never felt as useless as I did at that moment. It was difficult to watch someone I loved go out that way, knowing there was nothing I could do to change it. I fell into Angel for support and cried. I kept starring out at the reactor, waiting to see Doyle’s green spiky face remerge with that crooked smile. It didn't; he was gone.

A few days later, I had my first head splitting vision. It seems as though Doyle snuck them in with our passionate lip-lock. I was angered he would do this to me. There was so much pain! I desperately (I mean desperately) tried to get rid of them too. I began kissing anything that moved to hopefully pass it on. No luck; I was stuck with them, making me the new link to the Powers that Be. It wasn’t until an evil empathy demon gave me a wake up call to what I really had, that I could allow myself to appreciate it. Doyle wasn’t a rich man, but that didn't stop him from passing on to me the most precious thing he had to give. Doyle meant for me to have the visions. He loved me, and this was the only gift he had to show it.

I watch this tape often, and it always takes me back to the conversation directly afterward we finished taping. I told him he was coming across as a weasel while filming, and I think that might have stung a little.

Doyle was not a weasel. He was a hero, a champion, a demon, a sweet person, and he'll always be the love that might have been. Beyond that, Doyle was significant to us for one final reason:

Doyle was the first man down.
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